Stewardship Resource

Thirty Humorous One-Line Quotations

Humor  Humor
  • Author: Unknown
  • Updated: 07/13/2006

Series to use for chuckles in e-mail newsletters.


Christian One Liners

1. Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

2. Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

3. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

4. It is easier to preach 10 sermons than it is to live one.

5. The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

6. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

7. People are funny -- they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.

8. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

9. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't  belong.

10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

11. God himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

12. Some minds are like concrete -- thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

13. Peace starts with a smile.

14. I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

15. A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just "sitting on the premises."

16. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

17. Be ye fishers of men. You catch them -- he'll clean them.

18. Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

19. Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

20. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

21. Forbidden fruits create many jams.

22. God doesn't call the qualified -- he qualifies the called.

23. God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts"!

24. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

25. He who angers you, controls you!

26. If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!

27. Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

28. The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

29. We don't change the message -- the message changes us.

30. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

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