Stewardship Resource

A Spoof on Stewardship

Humor  Humor
  • Author: Pastor Paul Harrington, Seminary Pastor at Luther Seminary
  • Updated: 11/29/2010

1. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But you see I'm still in diapers. And I don't have any money of my own. I'm sure you understand.

2. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But you see I'm just a toddler. And I haven't learned to count yet. I'm sure you understand.

3. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But Daddy only gives me a dime. And 10 percent would be only a penny. I'm sure you understand.

4. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But Mom says I have to save the money for college. Though $7.00 at the movies seems only fair so I won't be square. I'm sure you understand.

5. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But now that I'm on a college scholarship it would be unfair to give a tithe when some are helping me. I'm sure you understand.

6. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But I just got married and setting up a home has to be number one priority: payments and everything. I'm sure you understand.

7. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But you see raising a family's more expensive than I thought. And I never know when I'll be laid off or on a strike. I'm sure you understand.

8. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But a college education these days is more than ever. My mission's to my kids for the next 10 years. I'm sure you understand.

9. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But retirement's come for both of us. And you know what it's like to live on a fixed income. I'm sure you understand.

10. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But now the will is all drawn up and though I forgot the church, I'm sure my kids will take care of it the way I always wanted to. I'm sure you understand.

11. I'd like to give to the church, Lord. But I just 'bought the farm' ...

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