{"id":6452,"date":"2021-06-14T15:00:44","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T15:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.luthersem.edu\/story\/?p=6452"},"modified":"2021-08-27T17:52:05","modified_gmt":"2021-08-27T17:52:05","slug":"from-meet-cute-to-ministry-partnership","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.luthersem.edu\/story\/2021\/06\/14\/from-meet-cute-to-ministry-partnership\/","title":{"rendered":"From meet-cute to ministry partnership"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Married couples involved in ministry share a unique bond beyond their studies at Luther Seminary<\/h2>\n

In the movies, the scenes would be called \u201cmeet cutes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Picture a girl riding her bike and a boy driving his car, both working to get to their classes on time\u2014she for Greek, he for marriage and family. The scene would cut to the pair chatting in a hallway, waiting for their classes to start, and as they go their separate ways the audience would get a Hollywood hint that the chance moment was instead a spark of connection for a lifetime.<\/p>\n

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Or imagine a scene that opens with the camera panning across the rolling hills and breathtaking bluffs of southeastern Minnesota. Then the camera comes to rest on two young adult counselors laughing over the heads of young summer campers. She was back for the summer from Mexico, where she\u2019d been working and studying; he was building log cabins at the camp.<\/p>\n

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Or a scene of a man getting a tap on his shoulder as he walks up to communion. Behind him, an old friend offers an invitation to a dinner that ultimately ended with a promise of forever.<\/span><\/p>\n

Though not the norm, it\u2019s certainly not uncommon for married couples to share an alma mater. A Facebook Data Sciences survey found that 28% of married college graduates attended the same school. When that school is seminary, there can be unique challenges, especially when two alumni work with a congregation together. But the benefits of the shared seminary background provide faith leaders a depth of support and understanding they say is simply impossible to replicate, and they wouldn\u2019t want it any other way.<\/p>\n

From friends to forever<\/h2>\n

Catherine Malotky \u201986 M.Div.<\/strong> and David Engelstad \u201982 M.Div.<\/strong> were clear from the beginning\u2014they were not interested in a relationship. The pair met at Luther in 1981, just 11 years after some Lutheran denominations began ordaining women, and the church was still navigating the change.<\/p>\n

For Malotky, that meant making it evident to her classmates and instructors that she was serious about her studies.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was quite clear I didn\u2019t come to seminary to get a \u2018Mrs.\u2019 I came to get an M.Div. This was business,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Engelstad shared that desire to focus on the work.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was resolute that I didn\u2019t want to marry another pastor,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was neither of our intentions to find each other,\u201d Malotky added.<\/p>\n

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But the pair relished the opportunity to passionately discuss what they were studying.<\/p>\n

\"David
David Engelstad \u201982 M.Div.<\/strong> (left) and Catherine Malotky \u201986 M.Div.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cEvery time I was in a class I wanted to chew on what we were learning,\u201d said Engelstad, who retired as a lead chaplain at Fairview Southdale Hospital in Edina, Minnesota. \u201cOld Testament, New Testament, pastoral care … you would sit in class and learn something, then you\u2019d want to think through it, how you would use it in your service. Having a compatriot to wrestle with the texts, thinking about the Greek and what it really said\u2014it was really easy to do that with Cathy.\u201d<\/p>\n

That shared bond between seminarians studying for service extends well beyond the classroom.<\/p>\n

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\u201cOne of the questions that clergy couples have to answer is, \u2018Now you\u2019re both pastors; do you want to work together, or do you want separate calls?\u2019\u201d Engelstad said.<\/p>\n

Most people get married because they think they can be a good couple, but they don\u2019t necessarily imagine themselves working together\u2014whether they\u2019re clergy or not. But in the case of Engelstad and Malotky, after spending time working together, they had an \u2018aha\u2019 moment.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWe found we actually could do really well in a parish,\u201d Engelstad said.<\/p>\n

The pair was successful in part, they said, because they shared everything. Church members understood that they were a team, with parish and familial obligations. The two never worked a Christmas service together, because they had young children at home. And for regular Sunday services, they had a rather ingenious system for church and kids alike.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe had a rule that whoever wore the collar was the presiding pastor that day,\u201d Malotky said. \u201cThe one who didn\u2019t was the presiding parent.\u201d<\/p>\n

The only downside to working so well together, Malotky said, is that it\u2019s easy to work all the time. The couple ultimately opted to move away from parish work\u2014Engelstad to pursue pastoral care while Malotky moved into several non-congregational calls, retiring after serving as director of development on Luther\u2019s Seminary Relations team. But the pair renewed their working relationship to co-author \u201cCarrying Them With Us: Living Through Pregnancy or Infant Loss.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The book was a reflection of their personal and professional experiences, Malotky said.<\/p>\n

Scholars and servants<\/h2>\n

When Cindy<\/strong> Fisher-Broin \u201997 M.Div.<\/strong> and Nick Fisher-Broin \u201988 M.Div.<\/strong> first met, their shared appreciation for scholarship and service created a connection others just didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

Cindy was home for the summer from Cuernavaca, Mexico, when she went to work at the Good Earth Village summer camp in southeastern Minnesota. That\u2019s where she first encountered Nick, who was there building log cabins.<\/p>\n

Within a week or two, Nick said, the pair realized they had a lot in common.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost people when I came back from Mexico said, \u2018Did you have a good time?\u2019 And that\u2019s not what it was about. It was a learning, growing experience and nobody understood that, but Nick did,\u201d Cindy said, because he recognized that her time in Cuernavaca was about ministry and service, not vacationing.<\/p>\n

\"Cindy
Cindy Fisher-Broin \u201997 M.Div.<\/strong> (right) and Nick Fisher-Broin \u201988 M.Div.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Though the couple connected and married fairly quickly, it would be a few years before Cindy would pursue her own studies at Luther Seminary. Nick was in his second call, and Cindy realized she didn\u2019t want to be a pastor\u2019s wife\u2014she wanted to be a pastor. But with one little boy at home, figuring out how to make that happen eluded her.<\/p>\n

She was on her way home from what was then Mankato State University, where she was taking classes in psychology, when she laid it out.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs I was driving home, I said, \u2018OK, God, if you really want me to be a pastor, you have to make this work,\u2019\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

The couple was living in southern Minnesota at the time, making a commute to Luther Seminary\u2019s campus in St. Paul undesirable. But a call for Nick to serve in Northfield, Minnesota, suddenly made everything more practical.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything just fell into place,\u201d Cindy said. \u201cI couldn\u2019t have worked it out any better than what it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Fisher-Broins left Northfield to share a call at their current parish, Spring Garden Lutheran Church in Cannon Falls, Minnesota. They\u2019ve been together at the church for more than two decades.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are similar in a lot of respects but different, too,\u201d Nick said. \u201cOur skills are really complimentary.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Nick said that at times, some parishioners will assume he\u2019s the senior pastor, because he\u2019s a man.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThey\u2019ll call him pastor and me Cindy,\u201d Cindy said with a wry laugh.<\/p>\n

So the couple uses those opportunities to educate and engage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t always determine what people do or say, but we can determine how we respond,\u201d Nick said.<\/p>\n

It’s personal and business<\/h2>\n

Volleying ideas and sharing hopes and worries are some of the greatest benefits that a Luther Seminary experience provides for partners.<\/p>\n

Jeff Sartain \u201990 M.Div.<\/strong> and Mark Sedio<\/strong>, who attended 1982\u201386, shared a group of friends when they were at Luther, but it would be years before their friendship blossomed into love.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe had kind of a clandestine group of LGBT people who hung out together,\u201d Sedio said. \u201cWe all leaned on each other. I knew Jeff through mutual friends, then he graduated and moved away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Jeff
Jeff Sartain \u201890 M.Div.<\/strong> (left) and Mark Sedio<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It was some years later when they reconnected during a faith-based conference in Michigan. An invitation to dinner created an opportunity for conversation that rekindled good memories and made them both realize there was something more between them.<\/p>\n

After they were married, Sedio continued his work in music ministry: teaching and earning the title of musician emeritus at Luther Seminary, conducting and teaching at Augsburg University, and serving as cantor at Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis. Sartain took a call to co-pastor at Edina Community Lutheran Church in Minnesota.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor the first 27 years of my ministry, I served in the United Church of Christ. My being called to a Lutheran congregation was a great joy for both of us,\u201d Sartain said.<\/p>\n

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The pair doesn\u2019t have the same responsibilities as two married pastors, and that nuanced difference is something they embrace.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven though I\u2019m a deacon in the ELCA, I\u2019m the musician part of a clergy couple, and that changes the dynamic a little bit\u2014we don\u2019t have exactly the same responsibilities. We\u2019re more like puzzle pieces,\u201d Sedio said. \u201cHe says, \u2018Well, what hymn could work here?\u2019 and we\u2019ll brainstorm, and he\u2019ll bounce those ideas off his musicians (at church).\u201d<\/p>\n

Where some couples who work together might have a challenge trying to keep work and home separate, Sartain said they don\u2019t have that concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur work is a joy to us\u2014a calling and a vocation,\u201d he said, adding that support is essential to staying vibrant.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe some people think that ministry is lonely, and for some it is. But having a spouse who understands your calling and your faith … to have a community who understands you and loves you, honors that you are a whole person\u2014we\u2019re whole people who are doing ministry.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The couple also cultivates active friend groups that are not directly tied to ministry. Those other relationships provide much-needed perspective.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIn our close circle, we have people who are churched and those who are unchurched,\u201d Sartain said. \u201cMy work is a mystery for some of them, but then I have friends who are engineers, and I couldn\u2019t tell you exactly what their work entails.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Through it all, the two are buoyed and enriched by one another and relish their opportunities to share ideas.<\/p>\n

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\u201cTo have somebody understand your work or call … the thing that works so well is not only that Mark understands my work, he understands who I am,\u201d Sartain said. \u201cThat reality check, that grounding\u2014I wouldn\u2019t be as good of a pastor as I am without Mark.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Married couples involved in ministry share a unique bond<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":6615,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6452","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-uncategorized","8":"issue-summer-2021","9":"entry"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFrom meet-cute to ministry partnership - Luther Seminary<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.luthersem.edu\/story\/2021\/06\/14\/from-meet-cute-to-ministry-partnership\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From meet-cute to ministry partnership - 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