Through the Night of Doubt and Sorrow, ELW 327
Devotion
Through the night of doubt and sorrow,
onward goes the pilgrim band,
singing songs of expectation,
marching to the promised land.
Clear before us through the darkness
gleams and burns the guiding light;
pilgrim clasps the hand of pilgrim
stepping fearless through the night.
One the light of God's own presence
on the ransomed people shed,
chasing far the gloom and terror,
bright'ning all the path we tread.
One the object of our journey,
one the faith which never tires,
one the earnest looking forward,
one the hope our God inspires.
One the strain that lips of thousands
lift as from the heart of one;
one the conflict, one the peril,
one the march in God begun.
One the gladness of rejoicing
on the far eternal shore,
where the one almighty Father
reigns in love forevermore.
Onward, therefore, sisters, brothers;
onward, with the cross our aid.
Bear its shame, and fight its battle
till we rest beneath its shade.
Soon shall come the great awak'ning;
soon the rending of the tomb!
Then the scatt'ring of all shadows,
and the end of toil and gloom.
My friend Andrew had a smile that could light up a room.
His joy was contagious. It was precisely because of this
that we all found it inconceivable that he could have
taken his own life on a tragic night in August. That was a
night of "doubt and sorrow" for me that I thought I would
never escape. I sat weeping in my wife's arms. On that
night, none of my theological training felt useful. None
of my orthodox Christian teachings were adequate to
comfort me in my bone-deep grief.
I let God have it that night. I cursed. I shouted. I cried
out. Somewhere in the middle of my despair I began to
imagine Go'’s arms extending farther and farther out to
ensure that every emotion would be held with love. God
didn't need a censored prayer. God needed my whole
heart. God needed my real emotion. So I gave it. During
Lent, we are invited to "let God have it," knowing that
God's arms are big enough to carry all of it, and knowing
that the "great awaking" shall come soon.
Prayer
Oh God, I don't love you, I don't even want to love you, but I
want to want to love you-St. Teresa of Avila